The Top Athlete Presidential Candidates

Let's face it. American politicians suck. To steal a line from The Hunt for Red October, when they aren't kissing babies, they're stealing their lollipops. Terms like Washington outsider have become some candidates best asset. But really Washington outsider just means inexperienced politicians. Well, I assert that if you want the best Washington outsiders you should look to the community of American athletes. I assert that there is no group that the United States is more proud of than its athletes. Here are the best athlete candidates for president (after, of course, we pass the amendment making it possible to run for president before age 35):


Ron Artest: His name's about to be Metta World Peace. He'll bring peace to the middle east. If anyone can show a region how to change their violent ways, it's a man who once beat up the wrong Pistons fan after having a drink thrown at him.


Ricky Stanzi: the two best capabilities a president can have? The ability to field stupid questions and the ability to deliver a rousing GOUSA#1 peptalk. Here, the Chiefs QB shows both in thirty seconds. Imagine what he could do with 4 years.

Tim Tebow: With his religious fervor, he'll carry the bible belt. My guess is that he'll kill it in the primaries then get to the general election and find that he's way out of his league.

Antii Niemi: Sure, he may not technically be an American citizen, but with his glove speed, you can be sure that nobody's getting across the Mexican border.

J Leman: The former Illinois linebacker sure knows how to dress for the position.