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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

CONCACAF Gold Cup And Why You Should Care.

Look. I know you, Mr. American sports fan. You watch your baseball. If you live in the North, you watch your hockey. Of course, you'll watch basketball. And you haven't missed an NFL Sunday since 2003. Oh, and once every four years you'll watch a soccer game or two.

I'm here to tell you there is an important soccer tournament for the Americans happening right now. Stumptown Footy breaks it down more, well, thoroughly. But they use fancy words like world cup implications, automatic entry into the Confederations Cup, and qualifying. I'm not going to befuddle your mind with such European concepts. I'm going to base my argument off of one fact alone: bragging rights over Mexico.

If we concede that we are the inferior soccer team, it can and will only go downhill from there. From there, the Mexican economy will boom after they elect Dos Equis' most interesting man in the world president. The dollar will crash and Americans will be asking their bosses if they can be paid in Pesos, all leading to a Mexican invasion where the USA goes down in a swirl of taco-filled glory.

The following is a list of things Mexico is currently better than the USA at: poverty.

I know what you're thinking. Yes, I have taken my meds this morning.

Look. There is no sport where national pride is more a part of the game than soccer. And there may be no country that chooses to display more national pride than America.

I really don't think you'll be watching the 2011 American football world cup in Austria. USA won the last world cup in 2007 in OT over Japan (clearly, we send our best players).

The World Baseball Classic is alright, but many of the best players don't play and the USA hasn't finished in the top 3 in the WBC's history.

Olympic basketball is fun, but where's the competition?

If you're a patriot, you need to be watching soccer, the game that the entire world measures each other with.

USA vs. Panama semifinal is tomorrow (Wednesday) at 7 PM ET. Watch. Or take a dump on the American flag. The choice is yours.

(maybe, I did forget to take my meds...)